post your funniest or sickest jokes here
ok ok ok what staff got his shirt laying in his/here closet
Fri Dec 02, 2011 07:29
what happens when u shoot one arab in the head.
u get an applause
what happens when u shoot 5 arabs in the head.
a standing ovation
what happens when u shoot 10000 in the head
u get a million dollars
what happens when u shoot all arabs in the head
the joy of having no arabs anymore
thnx jacob now many will c this
Thu Dec 15, 2011 20:57
Wee Billy from Glesga tried his utmost to look cool.
His friend told him that he needed a pair of good designer trainers to go with his shell suit.
Billy saved up all his Giros and all the money he got back from returning his empty Ginger bottles and finally managed to get himself a pair of brilliant white trainers to go with his shell suit.
Strutting down the street, Billy called out to all the passers by "Check oot ma new trainers pal? Stonkin, eh?"
One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that while they were indeed a fine pair of trainers, was young Billy aware that, "Ye've no' done up the laces on wan o' them, ya daft bastirt!"
Billy scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a trailing lace on one trainer, and that on the sole of the trainer there were instructions for the wearer to do so.
When asked for proof of this instruction, Billy took off his trainer and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read.
"There y'are! Clear as day it says......
Sun Mar 11, 2012 23:22
lol good stuff
Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:12
Sun Mar 18, 2012 16:19
Sun Mar 18, 2012 16:24
i lost my virginity at the age of 99.
A fat woman got on the bus & called out:- Isn't anybody going to offer me a seat?
A passenger replied:- I'm willing to make a contribution - anybody else?
Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:52
whats black and blue and hates sex?
A rape victim......
Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:11
Welcome to Cork, where the men are men, the women are too, and the sheep all have sore assholes
So the cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West. He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization. So near, in fact, that there aren't any women to be found for love nor money. Well, he's young and full of hormones, and after a month, he starts getting randy, so he goes to the saloon to ask around. After a couple of sort of nervous, whispered conversations, it comes out that you use the sheep. Well, our hero isn't real happy about this, but he's really desperate. He buys a bottle to nerve himself up. He goes and finds the nearest flock, and decides that if he's going to do this at all, he's going to do it right. He spends most of the afternoon picking out the prettiest sheep in the flock. He shampoos her wool and ties ribbons around her neck. Puts a little bell on her collar. He's also getting pretty drunk. By evening, he's done cleaning up the sheep, and not thinking real clearly. He's so proud of the way the sheep looks, he decides to take her in to town and show her off at the saloon. He walks in with the sheep, and the room goes quiet. Everybody's staring at the guy. And not just staring, but kinda recoiling in shock and horror. He's ashamed, but he's drunk enough; he slurs out, "Whassamada, I thought ever'body went out to the sheep?" Finally, one old timer pipes up. "Yeah, boy, but you got the sherrif's girl."
How do you get virgin wool? From ugly sheep
A farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool, chops, etc... After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and phones a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try aritifical insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down in the grass and roll around when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads up the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning, he wakes up and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try did not take and loads them into the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning, he looks out at the sheep and finds that they are all still standing around. He decides to try one more time and loads them into the truck, drives them out into the woods, spends all day shagging the sheep, brings them back and falls into bed, exhausted. The next morning, he cannot even get himself out of bed. He asks his wife to look outside and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. "No", she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."
This postman was delivering mail in Belfast when a woman appeared at the door in her nightdress. ' Come upstairs 'she said 'and make love to me. ' After he had obliged the woman said ' here's a can of Lager and two pound coins for you ' The postie took them and said ' what's all this for ?'
The woman said " you can thank my husband for this , I suggested giving you 20 pounds for your Christmas but my husband said fuck him , give him a can of beer and 2 quid !!
Young Irish couple is in a pub and the girl said to her boyfriend " I'm feeling good tonight , I want you to give me 9 inches and hurt me "
The boyfriend made love to her three times then punched her in the face !!
how do u make a irishman dizzy?
put him in a barrel and tell him to piss in the corner
Thu Jun 21, 2012 21:34
Im so sick of "my gf shit on my dick when i fucked her in the ass" thats something you should have thought of before you decided to ass blast her EF
I like to use my mothers dildo to fuck my self in the ass. I am a 29 year old male!! EF EF
Thu Jun 21, 2012 22:01
this a family in and one day the daughter wants to go out with her friends so she asked her dad for $50 so the dad say's
dad: sure if you suck my dick
daughter: OMG DAD THATS DISGUSTING
so the daughter storms of into her room 20 minutes later she comes back out
daughter: okay dad i'll suck you dick
so she starts sucking his dick
daughter: owwww yuck it taste like shit
dad: yea your brother wanted to borrow the car
Fri Jun 22, 2012 09:59
A guy and a chick meet in a bar and after a few drinks decide to have a go in the car outside. The guy reaches down her shirt and fondles her wildly, until she begins to moan in excitement, slowly he lowers himself until he is between her legs, the panties come off and the tongue comes out, flickering and darting crazy back and forth until the chick is wiggling in her seat, suddenly the guy stops pulling a small piece of something from between his teeth, fearing the guy is gonna stop before he completes the job she begs him to continue ...so he does...
after a few moments he stops again this time taking what looks like a piece of sausage from his teeth, again fearing the guy is gonna leave her unfinished, she moans and pushes his face down between her legs.....finally in confusion the man stops again taking what is definately a piece of tomato out of his mouth.....WTF is this for crying out loud? In frustration knowing that he is going to stop she screams PLEASE DONT STOP THE GUY BEFORE YOU THREW UP!!!!
How do you make apple crumble?
Release a picture of Steve Jobs fingering a child.