add a joke
A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks.
After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.
After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.
Finally, the bartender said, &quot;Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another.&quot;
The customer replied, &quot;I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home.
A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, ''Dad, what happened to the birdie?''
His dad told him, ''Son, the bird died and went to heaven.''
Then the boy asked, ''Did God throw him back down?''
A minister, a lawyer, and a boy scout are the only passengers on a small plane that develops engine problems.
The pilot emerges from the cockpit and announces, “Real problems; going down can`t possibly land. We must bail out! But we only have 3 parachutes!
He reaches into the back of the plane and grabs one of the 3 chutes, announcing,
I m a married man with 3 kids to support, so I must save myself. Out he bails.
The lawyer then yells, &quot;I have the greatest mind on earth, and the world can`t afford to lose my great intellect.He struggles into the back and grabs for a chute. Out he goes.
The elder minister smiles at the boy scout, Son, I ve lived much of my life already, so why don`t you.....
Nothing to worry about, Reverend,interrupts the scout, the Greatest Mind on Earth just bailed out wearing my backpack!
What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:
"To you, my loving wife Rachel, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $5 million."
The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Christy, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $2 million."
The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Matt, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will – well, you are wrong. Hi, Matt.
A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"