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Dafty News Post it Here


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Page 3 of 6   [ 80 posts ]
AuthorMessage
Soup avatar
Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 11:02
Author: ModeratorET loverSupermanSunTurtle
XP33Nkl.jpg
Millions Blame Cilla Black for Hearing Loss Conditions.................. Ear specialists say they have made ground-breaking research after discovering half the population of Great Britain suffers from hearing difficulties as a result of listening to Cilla Black for years.Cilla herself was in the mainstream news complaining of losing part of her hearing but the real reports admit hearing disabilities have been caused by years of having to put up with Cilla Black on vinyl records and through her high-pitched monotone Scouse accent on her shows like Surprise, Surprise and Blind Date.

Jeff Cooper, who lost his hearing by a dramatic 60% told medics he always felt a deafening ringing in his ears after he heard Cilla Black on the radio but just assumed it was down to getting older.

He was not the first to complain after hearing Cilla on the radio and TV. Margie from Liverpool said she suffers from tinnitus and deafness after buying a Cilla Black album in her youth.

Ear specialist Dr Weinstein said: “To protect your ears you must have regular checks but you also have to stay clear of any close-up loud volume sounds like standing next to a PA system at a heavy metal concert, placing your ear up against the engine of a plane that is about to take off or worse: listening to Cilla Black’s voice at a very low volume.”
snotlob avatar
Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 15:03
Author: Site FriendWarnedET junkieET loverSupermanSunTurtle
peaSoup wrote:
XP33Nkl.jpg
Millions Blame Cilla Black for Hearing Loss Conditions.................. Ear specialists say they have made ground-breaking research after discovering half the population of Great Britain suffers from hearing difficulties as a result of listening to Cilla Black for years.Cilla herself was in the mainstream news complaining of losing part of her hearing but the real reports admit hearing disabilities have been caused by years of having to put up with Cilla Black on vinyl records and through her high-pitched monotone Scouse accent on her shows like Surprise, Surprise and Blind Date.

Jeff Cooper, who lost his hearing by a dramatic 60% told medics he always felt a deafening ringing in his ears after he heard Cilla Black on the radio but just assumed it was down to getting older.

He was not the first to complain after hearing Cilla on the radio and TV. Margie from Liverpool said she suffers from tinnitus and deafness after buying a Cilla Black album in her youth.

Ear specialist Dr Weinstein said: “To protect your ears you must have regular checks but you also have to stay clear of any close-up loud volume sounds like standing next to a PA system at a heavy metal concert, placing your ear up against the engine of a plane that is about to take off or worse: listening to Cilla Black’s voice at a very low volume.”

to be fare the shit she belted out was enough to make anyone go deaf
Soup avatar
Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2014 14:13
Author: ModeratorET loverSupermanSunTurtle
1BfUTYw.jpg
Ghosts Not Haunting Pubs Anymore Due to Drinks Price Increase........... Ghost hunter Bryan Smythe told Dafty News: “We are totally gutted ghosts are quitting haunting pubs. We’ve never caught a ghost but it’s always fun believing they exist.”

Pub owners say the recession has not only affected drinkers but ghosts are also suffering.

Pub owner Dave from London said: “It’s such a shame because ghost stories have brought in so much revenue for us but now the economy has blown all that. It’s all very sad.”

Critics of pub ghost sightings see it another way. Lenny from Luton said: “Maybe the ghosts have quit haunting pubs because nobody takes them seriously anymore.

I mean, has anyone actually caught a proper ghost? Maybe they just never existed and the pub trade is dying because drinkers are becoming more smart and staying at home to get drunk. It’s cheaper.”
Soup avatar
Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 15:24
Author: ModeratorET loverSupermanSunTurtle
eKeSdVb.jpg
Dinosaur Bone Hunters Just Boring Twats Who Like Fleetwood Mac, Say Reports........... Archaeologists have come under attack for their personalities, it has emerged. Researches for Career Personalities have written a paper in which it is claimed dinosaur bone hunters have come off the worst.

Dean Schneider from the institute told Dafty News: “Dinosaur bone hunters have this insatiable desire to find something that’s existence has often been questioned. Therefore it is natural to have a dreadful dress sense and a terrible taste for music.”

In the research the study found 10/10 from all the dinosaur bone hunters wore giant framed spectacles, thick corduroy trousers, bandana scarves around their necks and listened to Fleetwood Mac.
ange1 avatar
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:01
Author: ModeratorET lover
peaSoup wrote:
1BfUTYw.jpg
Ghosts Not Haunting Pubs Anymore Due to Drinks Price Increase........... Ghost hunter Bryan Smythe told Dafty News: “We are totally gutted ghosts are quitting haunting pubs. We’ve never caught a ghost but it’s always fun believing they exist.”

Pub owners say the recession has not only affected drinkers but ghosts are also suffering.

Pub owner Dave from London said: “It’s such a shame because ghost stories have brought in so much revenue for us but now the economy has blown all that. It’s all very sad.”

Critics of pub ghost sightings see it another way. Lenny from Luton said: “Maybe the ghosts have quit haunting pubs because nobody takes them seriously anymore.

I mean, has anyone actually caught a proper ghost? Maybe they just never existed and the pub trade is dying because drinkers are becoming more smart and staying at home to get drunk. It’s cheaper.”

Well there's a thought how about we make our horror movie in a pub. Sure we can bring some locals back in. Then again seeing all us together dressed up would be enough to have the ghosts pack their bags and leave loool ( just joking guys )
Only spirits i have seen in a pub are the ones in my glass lol
Big_A_Little_A avatar
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:09
Author: Site FriendSupermanimmortal
peaSoup wrote:
1BfUTYw.jpg
Ghosts Not Haunting Pubs Anymore Due to Drinks Price Increase........... Ghost hunter Bryan Smythe told Dafty News: “We are totally gutted ghosts are quitting haunting pubs. We’ve never caught a ghost but it’s always fun believing they exist.”

Pub owners say the recession has not only affected drinkers but ghosts are also suffering.

Pub owner Dave from London said: “It’s such a shame because ghost stories have brought in so much revenue for us but now the economy has blown all that. It’s all very sad.”

Critics of pub ghost sightings see it another way. Lenny from Luton said: “Maybe the ghosts have quit haunting pubs because nobody takes them seriously anymore.

I mean, has anyone actually caught a proper ghost? Maybe they just never existed and the pub trade is dying because drinkers are becoming more smart and staying at home to get drunk. It’s cheaper.”
Yeah well ghosts are too afraid to manifest in pubs nowadays, as they start to manifest into a mist most busybody landlord's go over and spray them with Grapefruit Fizz Febreze air freshener thinking that some punter has been having a fly smoke in the pub.
ange1 avatar
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 17:56
Author: ModeratorET lover
rBxeulT.gif

lol
Soup avatar
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 17:58
Author: ModeratorET loverSupermanSunTurtle
ange1 wrote:
rBxeulT.gif

lol
That's BALA'S pew i believe pmpl
ange1 avatar
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 23:20
Author: ModeratorET lover
peaSoup wrote:
ange1 wrote:
rBxeulT.gif

lol
That's BALA'S pew i believe pmpl

lol pea :)
Big_A_Little_A avatar
Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 18:47
Author: Site FriendSupermanimmortal
ange1 wrote:
peaSoup wrote:
ange1 wrote:
lol
That's BALA'S pew i believe pmpl
lol pea :)
LOL! Nah not enough spit and sawdust on the floor, where's the buckie and a pub with a window and no bars(sorry unintended pun there)?
Anyway you both missed what was under the blackboard for cleaning.
r_Bxeul_T.gif
ange1 avatar
Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 16:34
Author: ModeratorET lover
Big_A_Little_A wrote:
ange1 wrote:
peaSoup wrote:
ange1 wrote:
lol
That's BALA'S pew i believe pmpl
lol pea :)
LOL! Nah not enough spit and sawdust on the floor, where's the buckie and a pub with a window and no bars(sorry unintended pun there)?
Anyway you both missed what was under the blackboard for cleaning.
r_Bxeul_T.gif

Loool Big_A classic. This better ? got sawdust and spit bucket lol

ds3Fi8M.jpg
Soup avatar
Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:36
Author: ModeratorET loverSupermanSunTurtle
8fQxYQJ.jpg
Sinkhole Opens Up in Council Estate Giving Residents a Better Lifestyle. A complete street in an unnamed housing estate in England opened up and fell at least thirty-feet in what the local council say was the worst sinkhole they’ve seen since the war, it has emerged. The street, consisting of three high-rise flats and a cul-de-sac of ten houses collapsed overnight leaving all 3,000 residents trapped below in sewage and dark undergrowth.

Rescue attempts were abandoned early this morning as all 3,000 residents say life has never been better and don’t want to resurface.

One resident, who wished not to be named as he is claiming mobility allowance and says his appearance in the media may tamper his double claim, said via an underground microphone: “This life down here with the rats is much better than the one we had before our houses collapsed. In our five-bedroom terraced house we had more dampness than we do down here.”

Another resident, who also wished not to be named as he owes five woman Child Support money, said: “Yeah, it’s like a breath of fresh air down here.”
Soup avatar
Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:40
Author: ModeratorET loverSupermanSunTurtle
pctdMLL.jpg
1 in 3 Men Affected by Male Pattern Lazyness.. Scientists have discovered the reason behind men being fat lazy

slobs. For years men have been criticized by their wives for not moving their arses but thanks to scientific

research Dafty News can exclusively reveal fat lazy slob men are actually affected by what is known as MPL (Male

Pattern Lazyness).

Dr Epplestein told Dafty News this morning: “Male Pattern Lazyness is hereditary and is passed down generations.

Sometimes it can skip a generation like baldness but for the most part if your father is a fat lazy bastard

there’s every chance his son will be a fat lazy bastard.”

Big Davie in Glasgow, Scotland, an unemployed single father-of nine, who runs his own mobile chip van, said: “My

father was a fat lazy fuck; my grandfather and his father were all disgusting fat lazy fucks but thanks to experts

we now know it’s in the genes.”

Big Davie confesses his six sons do nothing all day apart from play computer games and gorge themselves in high

fat foods and saturate themselves in highly dangerous dosages of deadly sugars.

Davie continued…

“All my kids are extremely fat and overweight but there’s nothing we can do as it’s our genes.”
Big_A_Little_A avatar
Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 14:05
Author: Site FriendSupermanimmortal
Con_man.jpg

While all the worlds attention is on Glasgow for the 2014 Commonwealth Games, a lesser know but as important competion is also taking place in Glasgow at the same time.

The 2014 Glasgow Con Man Wealth Games
.
These games will see criminals attending from over 70 countries from the commonwealth and British territories. The Games will include over 50 events at 24 locations in Glasgow over 2 weeks.

Events include,

Womans 48KG Wrestling - Venue, Cell 18 Cornton Vale

The Bikesteal Triathlon - Starting from George Square, the contestents steal a bike, cycle 1.2 KM to the river Clyde a 19 M swim across the river and a 2.6 KM run to avoid the long arm of the law.

The Pickpocket Marathon - No set distance, the winner will be the person who, run's the furthest without getting arrested or collapsing of a heart attack

10m Air Pistol Womens Drive by Shooting Qualification - Venue Easterhouse

And the closing event,
The Leaking roof/Tarred Drivway Quote -The winner will be the person who get's the highest quote for work that does not need carried out
Soup avatar
Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 17:08
Author: ModeratorET loverSupermanSunTurtle
Big_A_Little_A wrote:
Con_man.jpg

While all the worlds attention is on Glasgow for the 2014 Commonwealth Games, a lesser know but as important competion is also taking place in Glasgow at the same time.

The 2014 Glasgow Con Man Wealth Games
.
These games will see criminals attending from over 70 countries from the commonwealth and British territories. The Games will include over 50 events at 24 locations in Glasgow over 2 weeks.

Events include,

Womans 48KG Wrestling - Venue, Cell 18 Cornton Vale

The Bikesteal Triathlon - Starting from George Square, the contestents steal a bike, cycle 1.2 KM to the river Clyde a 19 M swim across the river and a 2.6 KM run to avoid the long arm of the law.

The Pickpocket Marathon - No set distance, the winner will be the person who, run's the furthest without getting arrested or collapsing of a heart attack

10m Air Pistol Womens Drive by Shooting Qualification - Venue Easterhouse

And the closing event,
The Leaking roof/Tarred Drivway Quote -The winner will be the person who get's the highest quote for work that does not need carried out
pmsl
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