Uncle_ALF_and_auntie_socials Drop in Clinic

Welcome one and all to the new drop in clinic,where all you problems can be solved.

We all know that there is never enough time in the day to get everything you need to get done.Time is precious(well really its so you can spend more time on ET),well here at our clinic we can offer expert help and advice to you,to solve your every need and save you the time and expesne of leaving the comfort of your home.

Is your partner ready too leave you for next doors skank whore?
Is the price of crack too high in your neighborhood?
To drunk to walk to your AA meeting?
Not enough time to see your electro shock theripist?
To big a que to see the doctor about your enormous hemeriods(well the doctor is your mother)?
Addicted to midget porn?
All alone and have no one to spend nation egg salad week with?

These are just some of the many topics we can help you with.No problem is to big or small or shocking for us to deal with.
We are a very private and discrete service,that will deal with your problem in the strictest confedentiality(well thats if you dont count the hundreds of people that will be able to view this.)

Well let me tell you a bit about ourselfs,we are both qualified psychopaths,who have spent the last 28 years studying for our LSD's and methodones(oopps that should be PHD's and masters)in psychopathy.

We are currently incarerated in The Bellvue aslyum for the criminaly mentaly disturbed for approx 8 years(yippee parole due in 2015)

This is a totally free service tho donations(gold/silver/large amounts of cash and the odd pizza)would be appreciated.These can be sent to any of our various offshore or swiss bank accounts(except the pizzas please) or we could meet under the dark bridge at the end of the street.

We only have one rule for assisting you with your problems,due to lack of time (neeed to keep up with the deletes) could you please wait until we have answered the first perons query before posting your own problem.

DISCLAIMER - Sorry but will probably have a good laugh at your expense when we see your problem,this is nothing personal,but just good old professionalism on our behalf

What the heck did I walk into .. LMFAO. I'm not gonna read all this but from what I've skimmed it looks very amusing.

Welcome one and all,

Sorry about the delay in the grand opening of our clinic.

Due to a small unforseen accident during the electo shock therapy session,Buckles on the straight jacket fused togehter,and wasn't going to pay the weekend call out rate of $1999 and £25.49 per hr to the locksmith so we waited til today.Job done by locksmith very well and he settled for 1/2hr with auntie on the bed of nails!

Will try to deal with your many and varied issues once we have stopped laughing our arses of at you all!,oopp's ment to say in a prompt courteous caring and professional maner.

First please!

they done it doggy,tho need to watch the video once this crack were's off!

ok well here we have avery bad case of a dilusional fantisist! warning please stay well away from them(its not because of their problem,they just smell real bad!),

Firstly how can you be thinking about the undies that blue lady is not wearing?if she is not wereing them,then they do not exist,and you are thinking of something that does not exist,that means inside your tiny head there is an emptyness!

We can cure this very simply,and luckilly enough the solution will also solve your second problem.

can you please see auntie at the recetion to make an appointmenat for anal insertion of a lion,This will fill the void in your head as well as giving you the much sought after tail! ASAP!before its to late to help you

Next please

Hmmmm,yes we see you do have serious problems!
Well since they dont serve drinks at AA meetings try taking in a carryout,and remember to take enough for everybody,or you could ask to host the next meeting at a secret location(tho dont say its at your favourite bar!)

As for being at the chicken ranch and having an enormous bill to pay,thats no problem,as we see it for being a chicken you have great typing skills, far superior to other chickens that we know! why do you think there is a russian woman there? they want to teach you to talk russian and release as super chicken spy!and the midgets are your bodygaurds.

Next please.

We take great offence at your sad and outragous claims against our institution!

We are not here to be "amusing" we are here to help every member of ET out on their perilous journy thro life,helping and advising them on their problems.We are a very professional clinic who will do our utmost to aid those in their time of need.

PS,"I've skimmed it" what did you have to get back to your pop up book,or mabye you lost your big green crayon,or possibly did you get playdooh stuck in your hair?

If you are not able to read this then please get your mommy to help you.

Next please!