jokes lets have a laugh

After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Fred notices a photo of a man on her bedside table.
At first, he really didn't give it much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he.
But after a month or so into the relationship he begins to stress about it; even imagining the photo is staring at him doing the deed.

It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask about it.

"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.


"That's me 6 months ago"

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now ‘cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...cause we're going down the tracks. "

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.

Two hours later, the son came

out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say..."All passengers please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.

She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

TWO HOUR DELAY...see the bitch...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


Carolina

Two buddies, Graham and Barry, are getting very drunk at a bar when
Suddenly Barry throws up all over himself.
Oh, no," he cries. "Caroline will kill me!" graham says, "Don't worry, pal.
Just tuck a twenty pound note in your breast pocket and tell her that someone threw up on you and
gave you twenty quid for the dry-cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Barry rolls into home and Caroline screams,
"You stink of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"
Barry says, "I can es'plain everythin! Ish not what you think. I only
had a cupla drinks. But thish other guy got sick on me...
he had one too many and he jush couldn't hold hizz drink. He said he was
verrry sorry an' gave me twennie quid for the cleaning bill!"
Caroline looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty quid"
"Oh, yeah, I almos' forgot," says Barry.
"He sh*t in my pants, too."

Lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered" she said, "take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

oh man the train one was good bro real good LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

ghostman feel free to ask a sa to remove these jokes if you feel they are a waste of space other wise cheer up and smile its free to smile